If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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