I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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