Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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