I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Are my feet made of real feet?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You did what with his pubic hair?
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