You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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