Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
