Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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