You made me cry and you don't even care
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My Higher Power is John Stamos
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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