3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
