you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
