i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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