please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
