if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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