So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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