i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
