You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
