I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i think my cat just said my name.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
