for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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