Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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