In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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