Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
