I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
