I was born with a shot glass in my hand
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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