At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
A bitchslap is in order.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
