i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
