We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
