and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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