If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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