Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Randomize
