just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
