Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
