Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I lost the right to judge tonight
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
