My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
