We won't sleep together?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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