I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
