I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
