ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
