I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
