I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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