I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
