Pappa wants mamma naked
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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