I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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