I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Can I color on your dick again?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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