I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
