So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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