I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
