My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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