Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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