who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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