How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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