I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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