Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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