for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Randomize
