Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize