obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
