i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize