theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
