hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize