Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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