is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
