I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize