Heybabeimwearingurpanties
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
