he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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