she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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