how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
