can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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