with your own penis?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
