Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
