non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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